New and Improved!

"You kids aren't in there watching commercials, are you?"

"Uhh... yeah."

"What did your mother and I tell you about watching the commercials?"

"That if they need commercials to sell it, it isn't worth buying."

"That's right kids, they're either selling you a price that's too high, or a need that isn't necessary, or a superiority that is superfluous."

"Whatever, Dad."

I know I said television advertisements should never be watched... but watch this and tell me you don't clench up with concern, Jeff-Goldblum-in-Jurassic-Park-level concern, for any woman in your life walking around with something this powerful in her pants:

I'm going to devote 2009 to Cratchitism and laying siege to Waveland.