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  Blog Noir. An interplay of cultural references, snark, the occasional smutty joke, Dadaism, Mamaism, and a genuine outrage at the horrors of The Situation.

--to paraphrase Freddy el Desfibradddoro
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Science Saturday

Learning From Mistakes: Next Challenge For GOP Humanoids

RNC-0H expells a disruptive guest from the Oval Office.

Advanced GOP humanoids still serve in Congress and primary voting humanoids still put them there, but the GOP leadership must learn from its mistakes if it is to ever rule the land again.

With that in mind, the Republican National Committee (RNC) has just previewed its latest robots which can perform more complicated daily tasks, including running for president, but the machines still have a steep learning curve.

At the RNC's Washington headquarters, in his high-tech office equipped with robotic items, Party Chairman Sen. Mel Martinez plopped himself down on the sofa, prompting an overhead sprinkler system to turn on automatically.

The senator raised his hands to cover his head as Florida GOP Chairman Jim Greer, an RNC-2H humanoid wearing an apron over over his charcoal grey Calvin Klein flat-front metallic suit, rolled over and asked, "Do you need help raising money?"

"Yeah, I need a couple of million -- first turn off the sprinkler, god dammit!" Martinez thundered.

Greer dutifully turned around and arranged a fundraiser at a swanky Florida State University booster club after shutting off the errant sprinkler.

"That was no scripted demonstration," a calmer, Martinez claimed. "These humanoids react to my actions and create the kind of environment necessary to build a better tomorrow for our children and grandchildren."

RNC Chairman Robert "Mike" Duncan, who runs the committee's day-to-day operations, heads the team that designed the humanoids. He says the next challenge is to make machines that can handle absolutely unanticipatable situations, such as an insurgency in Iraq, or a Category 5 hurricane in the Gulf of Mexico.

"They will be able to memorize information from lots of different situations," Duncan said. "Our 2008 line needs to be able anticipate what can happen next and make decisions based on actual empirical evidence and their collective memory, recalling what action causes which kinds of results. That will be a crucial new bit of programming, for both our Republican legislator and voter humanoids. Like when a wet baby slips out of their hands, they have to remember to grab harder when they pick up wet babies."

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"What did your mother and I tell you about watching the commercials?"

"That if they need commercials to sell it, it isn't worth buying."

"That's right kids, they're either selling you a price that's too high, or a need that isn't necessary, or a superiority that is superfluous."

---Montag Alawicious Beeblebrox I



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