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  Blog Noir. An interplay of cultural references, snark, the occasional smutty joke, Dadaism, Mamaism, and a genuine outrage at the horrors of The Situation.

--to paraphrase Freddy el Desfibradddoro
Saturday, March 29, 2008

Kermit Roosevelt, Jr.

Kermit Roosevelt, Jr.



Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Happy Birthday, Fafblog!

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Brthday to you
Happy Birthday dear Fafblog!
Happy Birthday to you


Friday, March 14, 2008
Up The Economy! (With Pie)

Fill the wide world with fine machines
Build bumper cars, and guillotines
And castanets, and fighter jets...
We'll all rise into the sky!

And forgive us our status quo,
As we overlook all our hearts should know
Help us safely choose when to blithely lose...
Another's slice of higher pie!

And our tired old beauty queen
Shot through cellophane, and vaseline
Given softer lights, and spandex tights...
She'll be younger, bye the bye!

World keeps turning, oceans churning...
Smells like something might be burning.

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Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Who Ya Gonna Call?


Vinz Clortho

"We HAVE to get these two together."

"I think that would be extraordinarily dangerous."

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Sunday, March 02, 2008
John McCain’s “Road To Damascus”


Many of you may have noticed my absence during the past few months. When I last spoke to you, I was explaining to you how Mr. Giuliani’s multiple affairs actually reflected well on his character.

I was, of course, deeply injured by an ungodly public’s rejection of both my message and the candidate I felt had certainly been sent by God.

I sought solitude and reflection at Saint Maximilian’s Monastery and Methadone Clinic in the remote forests of the Ukraine. In a secluded pine hut deep in a snow-covered conifer forest, I read and reread a Ukranian copy of the Good Book, hampered only by delirium tremens, dysphoria, and a complete lack of knowledge of the language in which it was written. It was then I had a revelation.

One morning, John McCain’s personal friend Mark Salter arrived on a sled drawn by Siberian Huskies with the news that not only had Rudy Giuliani endorsed John McCain, but that the campaign was interested in completing the renovations to the Rectory that had been left half-finished by the Giuliani campaign when they ran out of money.

After Mr. Salter left, Saint Maximilian himself appeared to me, and told me that my austerities were greatly appreciated, but that they weakened my ability to do God’s work.

“How does a car run if you starve it of gas?” the Saint asked me.
“Not well,” I answered.
“And how do you, Prurience Cavendish, run when your appetites are unfulfilled?”
“From my lips to your ears,” I confided, “this solitude and reflection is killing me.”
“Then go,” Saint Maximilian urged me, “go home and indulge yourself so that you have the fuel to work for John McCain. Although he has transgressed, he was forgiven, and is now truly God’s candidate in the 2008 election.”

And it turns out that McCain campaign is every bit as fun as the Giuliani campaign! But what was the transgression about which Saint Max (as I like to call him) was warning me?

Today’s reading is from Acts 22:8, which reads: And I answered, Who art thou, Lord? And he said unto me, I am Jesus of Nazareth, whom thou persecutest. Here, the disciple Paul encounters Christ as he walks on the Road to Damascus to annihilate its Christian community. Although he has blood on his hands, Paul – who went by the gansta rap name Saul of Tarsus – is converted on the spot by Christ, and became an A-list Apostle.

So too John McCain had his own "Road to Damascus." He almost became a Democrat in 2001, but narrowly escaped his sinfulness to become the Republican nominee. McCain’s moment came when he was tempted by the Satanic Tom Daschle. Although McCain's spokeperson said it was a “purely social visit,” at the time the Republican Party felt just as persecuted as the Christians did by Saul of Tarsus. Here is Stephen Moore, president of the Club for Growth, quoted in the Washington Times (3/31/2001): “McCain is now certifiably McCrazy. . . Prediction: John McCain will never again seriously contend for the GOP nomination for president.”

To understand why Mr. Moore was even wronger than usual on that day, we must look deep into John McCain's character to understand how it was that he was able to turn away from his sinfulness. I will read to you from two excellent insights into his character and let you judge what happened at this time.

Howard Fineman of Newsweek reported that:

Inspired by his crusading 2000 campaign, angry at what he thinks were Bush’s dirty tactics, adored by the media and egged on by advisers who share his reformist agenda and his love of the limelight, [McCain] is war-gaming options that include bolting the party -- and another run for president in 2004, this time as an independent. . . [Most Republican leaders] view McCain as an untrustworthy, media-obsessed cry-baby. But few will say so publicly. . . Asked if he’d ever run as an independent, he gave Newsweek a flat ‘no.’ But he remains intrigued. ‘Ask him again,’ said one top aide. ‘It depends on what day you talk to him.’

It all depends on what day you talk to him. This was true of Paul, too, who heard voices and completely changed his mind the next day!

Another description of McCain is from Michael Kelly, writing in the Albany Times Union (June 6, 2001). Kelly says that McCain:

. . . was to the run-of-the-mill media-hound senator as Marilyn Monroe was to the run-of-the-mill sexpot. He took an old and tired stereotype and reinvented it through exaggeration. McCain didn't just wait for reporters to describe him as the last straight-talker in politics; he named his presidential primary campaign bus The Straight Talk Express. Unlike other war hero politicians, he didn't just murmur his reluctance to lay bare the secret and heroic horrors of his war; he shouted his reluctance from the rooftops. He spent his presidential run not so much in bed with the press as in Plato’s Retreat, and he made it clear that he loved every lubricious moment of it. And so too did the press. Never was there a more reciprocated love.

Republicans think he is "McCrazy," a "media-hound," and "an untrustworthy, media-obsessed cry-baby." Yet they forgave him and now want him to be president! Why would this be?

Paul’s Letters to the Corinthians were much the same sort of thing –- they weren’t leaked to the press by the Corinthians, I can assure you. When Paul said: Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain. (1 Corinthians 9:24) he might well have been describing John McCain’s presidential ambitions, and the attitudes of a party that rightly puts winning the election ahead of worrying about the character of the candidate that they nominate.

These insights into John McCain’s character tell us exactly what we want to know, that like Paul, it was not a matter of killing Christians or converting others to Christianity, it is that you have to run, that ye may obtain.


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Saturday, March 01, 2008
The Economy

What will you do with YOUR rebate check?

Some Rights Reserved. Guess which ones!

Missing Fafblog picture of the week

Halcylon days.


"What did your mother and I tell you about watching the commercials?"

"That if they need commercials to sell it, it isn't worth buying."

"That's right kids, they're either selling you a price that's too high, or a need that isn't necessary, or a superiority that is superfluous."

---Montag Alawicious Beeblebrox I



Links to Actual Fafblogs

Sorta Fafblogian Link Types
Anonymous Lawyer
Armageddon Cocktail Hour
Baby Toupees
Bateman, Scott
Billionaires For Bush
Blue Gal
Chalk, Mr.
Chase Me Ladies, I'm in the Calvary!
Chicken Suits
CompareNContrast Wars
Cool Hunter
Crooks and Liars
Culture Ghost, The
Dateline Hollywood
Defeatists, The
Doodle Bean
Guys From Area 51
Happy Sock Fun Time (thepuppethead)
Harris, Bob (includes occasional pudus!)
Improv Everywhere
Jesus' General!
Lark News
Laughing Squid
Le Pétomane
Liberal Fascism
Little Green Fascists
Maximumize Positive Chaos
Mental Floss Magazine
Mouse and Rat Breeds
Noah Kalina Every Day
Onion, The
Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying
Perrin, Dennis
Roger Ailes' Fox-TV Blog
Sadly, No!
Shakespeare, Neil
Obsidian Wings
Stump Lane (Montag)
Swift, Jon
Swift Report, The
Tristam Shandy
Who Is IOZ
Zaius Nation
Ze Frank

Argue With Everyone
Casa de Los Gatos
Fret Free Fridays
Grow a Brain
Hellbound in Denver
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Blogosphere
Matilda's Advice and Rants
Miss Cellania
The Republic of Dogs
Doug Richardson
Trick of the Light
Vidiot Speak

Special "Look Around You" Video Section
Part One: Maths
Part Two: Water
Part Three: Germs
Part Four: Ghosts
Part Five: Sulphur
Part Six: Music
Part Seven: Iron
Part Eight: Brain

Special Other Video Section
Aranjuez Quartet - Classical Guitarists
How to Talk Like a Pirate
Matrix Ping Pong
OK Go!
Soldier Head Twist
The Supersonic Future


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Missing Fafblog! can be like the solitary life of the Sumatran rhinoceros. I Miss Fafblog, Spot!? A saltlick around which to congregate.
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This is a homage blog to the apparently moribund Fafblog. Any copyright violations are pretty much unintentional and are the fault of that dastardly Doodle Bean!

Have something to say about Fafblog or this blog? Email Montag at montag-at-stumplane-dot-us.