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  Blog Noir. An interplay of cultural references, snark, the occasional smutty joke, Dadaism, Mamaism, and a genuine outrage at the horrors of The Situation.

--to paraphrase Freddy el Desfibradddoro
Saturday, August 26, 2006
The History of Oil: Part One


Ya woulda thunk that we would have figured out the siren call of oil by now an figured out ways to use less of it an more of the good stuff like solar and wind, but no. Just like Odyssus knew the call of the sirens would kill him and his shipmates, he still just wanted to go see them and get a little nookie-of-death. And no nookie is sweeter than that sweet crude nookie.

Think about it. You hop in your car an go wherever you want to... or can afford to. You go to the grocery store an buy whatever you want to from all over the world... or can afford to. Shipped here courtesy of that lovely oil. An you read on the internets all the time, even sneaking peeks during work although your boss has caught you more than once. Admit it!

Yes, even the internets would not exist if it wasn't for oil. Electricy, remember. Energy for silicon chip manufacture remember! Now it's true that a lot of electricy is generated by burning coal, but that coal was shipped to the power plant using oil. Ha! Betcha you're sorry you argued with me now!

But before modern times, oil was used for medicine and to waterproof boats an such1. All the 'oil' mentioned in the Bible (written in the Mideast, I might add)? Olive oil. Not petroleum. Sorry to puncture that little bubble of yours, mister! Well, not really.

So, what the heck started it all? Who was that first person who said, "Hey! This black sticky stuff doesn't just trap animals2, it burns! Ouch!

Honestly, I don't know for certain, but it seems to have started in the United States and loads of money was involved. Since then, it's just kind of snowballed an nobody seems to be able to stop that big black sticky ball rolling at high speed down on us all. Sure, people have tried. In the 1970's, the U.S. gov't even funded research into alternatives. But Ronnie Reagan3 took care of that pesky little idea.

But you know we're having all these tensions an wars and stuff in the Mideast is oil. An in the back of our minds is the thought that maybe we should cut down on the oil guzzling. That maybe that would help things be a little less tense in the Mideast especially. But do we do anything about it. No.

It's like that diet you swear you are going to start tomorrow or the exercise program you signed up for but stopped attending after a session or two. Exactly. It's hard. It's inconvenient. We're gonna have to be forced into it with big men dressed in leather wielding whips4.

1. Even in place of cement in buildings.
2. See Le Brea Tar Pits
3. Before he changed his mind since it turns out that the DOE is also responsible for making and testing nukes! But he succeeded in killing all the alt energy projects.
4. Kinda like this.

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Missing Fafblog picture of the week

Halcylon days.


"What did your mother and I tell you about watching the commercials?"

"That if they need commercials to sell it, it isn't worth buying."

"That's right kids, they're either selling you a price that's too high, or a need that isn't necessary, or a superiority that is superfluous."

---Montag Alawicious Beeblebrox I



Links to Actual Fafblogs

Sorta Fafblogian Link Types
Anonymous Lawyer
Armageddon Cocktail Hour
Baby Toupees
Bateman, Scott
Billionaires For Bush
Blue Gal
Chalk, Mr.
Chase Me Ladies, I'm in the Calvary!
Chicken Suits
CompareNContrast Wars
Cool Hunter
Crooks and Liars
Culture Ghost, The
Dateline Hollywood
Defeatists, The
Doodle Bean
Guys From Area 51
Happy Sock Fun Time (thepuppethead)
Harris, Bob (includes occasional pudus!)
Improv Everywhere
Jesus' General!
Lark News
Laughing Squid
Le Pétomane
Liberal Fascism
Little Green Fascists
Maximumize Positive Chaos
Mental Floss Magazine
Mouse and Rat Breeds
Noah Kalina Every Day
Onion, The
Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying
Perrin, Dennis
Roger Ailes' Fox-TV Blog
Sadly, No!
Shakespeare, Neil
Obsidian Wings
Stump Lane (Montag)
Swift, Jon
Swift Report, The
Tristam Shandy
Who Is IOZ
Zaius Nation
Ze Frank

Argue With Everyone
Casa de Los Gatos
Fret Free Fridays
Grow a Brain
Hellbound in Denver
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Blogosphere
Matilda's Advice and Rants
Miss Cellania
The Republic of Dogs
Doug Richardson
Trick of the Light
Vidiot Speak

Special "Look Around You" Video Section
Part One: Maths
Part Two: Water
Part Three: Germs
Part Four: Ghosts
Part Five: Sulphur
Part Six: Music
Part Seven: Iron
Part Eight: Brain

Special Other Video Section
Aranjuez Quartet - Classical Guitarists
How to Talk Like a Pirate
Matrix Ping Pong
OK Go!
Soldier Head Twist
The Supersonic Future


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This is a homage blog to the apparently moribund Fafblog. Any copyright violations are pretty much unintentional and are the fault of that dastardly Doodle Bean!

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