'Twas the day before Christmas, and all through the store
While shoppers were shopping, a bomb threat I ignored;
Girl's sweaters were hung in Apparel with care,
In hopes that your parents, soon would be there;
The children were home, with grandma today,
While reruns of Spongebob kept them at bay;
And mom in her mittens, and dad with his money,
Just turned down aisle three for a Laugh 'n Learn Bunny,
When up on the roof, there arose such a clatter,
I sprang out of my office to see what was the matter.
Away past the Greeter, I flew like a flash,
To the front door of WalMart, where prices are slashed.
The grey skies above were sprinkling snow
Landing atop the police cars below,
When, what to my wondering eyes would be seen,
But the Chief 'o Police, and his entire SWAT team!
I'm the manager here, I can't get upset,
But I knew they were here for the phoned-in bomb threat.
More thorough than eagles, his officers searched,
In Electronics, and Jewelry, and Housewares they perched;
"Now, Chief, c'mon, please gimme a break!
$400,000 in sales are at stake!
It's a hoax I'll bet, let's try to stay coolish!
Evacuate customers?! That would be foolish!"
As kids' electronics, we continued to sell,
And Xboxes, and Barbies -- those shopping carts swelled!
So up at the cashiers, the money just flew,
The SWAT team and bomb squad were hard-at-work, too.
The stock room, freezers; the cops checked it all,
Even going through Jewelry, nothing was too small.
As I counted some money, and was turning around,
From Aisle Six, Chief Overweg came with a bound.
He was dressed all in hazmat, from his head to the ground,
And his suit was all messy, from looking around;
A group of his officers stood at his back,
He looked like he just crawled outta the sack..
His eyes -- how they furrowed! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn down like a bow,
He had something to tell me -- I hope we don't blow!
The stump of a Tums he held tight in his teeth,
Nervous exhaustion circled him like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he spoke like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a tired old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A twitch in his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spit out his words, as he went straight to his work,
"You got lucky this time, you absolute jerk!"
And laying his finger aside my forehead,
"You're lucky your shoppers and associates aren't all dead!"
He sprang to his car, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all drove like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove into the blue
"And tell your WalMart District Manager to go fuck himself, too!"