Two terms of the Bush administration appear to have imposed the same kind of mental anguish on seventy percent of Americans as would result from physical abuse, a study released yesterday said.

"For Americans with balanced perceptions, six years of George W Bush have amounted to torture, thereby lending corroboration to its forbiddance according to the Geneva Conventions," researchers wrote in the journal of the Archives of American Psychiatry.

A Justice Department memo argued that the degree of the term "torture" should be narrowed to only those initiatives by the president which could be proven to result in "protracted mental harm."

Acting Surgeon General Rear Admiral Kenneth Moritsugu, M.D., M.P.H, believes that the therapy for these unhappy Americans is immersion in water while assuring them that they will be drowned. The resulting terror "acts powerfully on the body, through the mind, and will completely cure the patient."