My darling AIPAC,

I long to be held in your powerful arms. Oh, I so adore the state of Israel - my unswerving devotion to it defines me as an American politician! My mind is at peace when we sit on the couch and cuddle. Rest assured darling, my heart quivers and my passion flows when I think about doing to Iran what we did to Saddam! I get such immense pleasure from your annual three-day policy conference, and I go weak in the knees when I consider your extraordinary influence. I long to be near you. I want nothing more than to be close to you.

With passionate love,

(your Senator's/Congressman's name here)