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  Blog Noir. An interplay of cultural references, snark, the occasional smutty joke, Dadaism, Mamaism, and a genuine outrage at the horrors of The Situation.

--to paraphrase Freddy el Desfibradddoro
Saturday, April 14, 2007

Dear Ken,

Do I really have to think about Imus? I mean, if I absolutely have to, I could give it some thought and develop an opinion of my own, but is that really necessary? I have disliked and avoided his show for more than a decade. Why has he become so unavoidable now? Do I really have to think about this?

This week, my mind has been thinking about the working man, and how corporate America externalizes the true costs of labor by keeping wages low, offering fewer benefits, and employing residents without legal status; but yet, the working man is made out to be the villain. Should I stop considering these things to really hunker down and work out this whole Imus thing?

I thought maybe I should stop thinking about the working man, if only to marvel at the incredible record of our Administration "losing" important documents that might be useful as evidence in a court of law, or congress.

I thought it might be worth thinking about how to combat the more and more intrusive domestic spying activities of our own government, or to think about the consequences of the across-the-board extension of Army tours of duty, and to make plans to move my children to Canada before they reach draft age, if necessary.

I also thought it might be worth a few minutes of my time to be scared out of my wits regarding some of the starker warnings about global climate change, and to make plans to move to Canada before the human migrations and water wars start, if necessary.

Nonetheless, I will respect your judgment and heed your advice if you tell me Imus is more important.

Please, Ken, tell me. Do I really have to think about Imus?


P.S.: If your answer is "yes," when would it be o.k. to start thinking about canceling our love affair with standardized testing in academic assessment, developing clean electricity generation capabilities, and nuclear disarmament again?

Dear Montag,

You've only been thinking about Imus for a few days. That's not a major problem. You don't have to think about Imus, and if you don't want to think about Imus...don't! Simply find a way to distract yourself whenever Imus pops into your head.

However, if you...

* wake up thinking of Imus
* keep re-playing Imus's last show in your head
* worry constantly about where Imus is and what he's doing
* are upset when a phone call isn't from Imus
* imagine Imus in the seat beside you as you commute to work

...well, be patient and focus. Whenever Imus pops into your head, say this to yourself: "Huck mir nisht a chynick, and I don't mean efsher!" Repeat it as often as you want. Over and over. I hope this helps!


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---Montag Alawicious Beeblebrox I



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