Christian Right Struggles With Electile Disaffection

The Council for National Policy, a secretive club whose few hundred members include Dr. James C. Dobson, the Rev. Jerry Falwell, and Grover Norquist of Americans for Tax Reform, is searching for a super-powerful Republican presidential primary champion who will give them a long lasting, vein bulging election in 2008.

They fear that frontrunners Rudy Giuliani, Sen. John McCain, and Mitt Romney can only be embraced by the faithful while under the influence of alcohol, which is strictly prohibited. Many of their members have even gone soft on conservative candidates Gov. Mike Huckabee of Arkansas, Rep. Duncan Hunter of California, and Senator Sam Brownback of Kansas because of anxiety over their abilities to unify the movement or raise enough money to overtake the frontrunners.

A delegation from the Council for National Policy approached charismatic conservative Gov. Mark Sanford of South Carolina, fantasizing that nothing could stop his amazingly incredible break-through candidacy from giving the Christian Right their most immensely huge election since 2000. However, Gov. Mark Sanford firmly declined the group's hot and heavy advances, angrily shouting, "When I say no, I mean NO!"

Mr. Norquist says he remains open to Huckabee, Hunter, Brownback or Mr. Romney, saying that with the right promises, any of them could redeem themselves, despite their records. "It's called secondary virginity," Mr. Norquist explained. "It is a big movement in high school and also available for politicians."