Dear Ken,

Have you ever noticed that 45 things almost never add up to 45 things? Well, I have an update to the list: I need to donate blood and get Ken Mehlman aboard the campaign, and by the way fellas, that is a Manatee, or as it's more commonly known, a Sea Cow! Judith! JUDITH!!! What is Rita Hayworth doing going through my pile of hot-button issues?! Oh God, I have to EMPTY MY MIND!!! I hate getting side-tracked but Jeezus that Chris Matthews is dumb as a pile of rocks. At least he's no weak-kneed defeatist! Yellow to orange, orange to red, red to vermillion...you know, there are really dangerous people that want to come here and kill you! You bet! That's why it's crucial to return a Republican to the Oval Office on Election Day!

Sincerely yours,
Rudy Giuliani


Dear Rudy,

I just recalled what it was like having you as mayor...

-Ken