Dear Ken,

Is there a polite way to ask one's guests to leave once the party is over?

My country and I are very welcoming. We have opened our borders for four years to various soldiers, contractors, CIA agents, al-Qaeda terrorists, Abrams tanks and Apache helicopters, etc. I meekly confess we have a very pleasant backyard and have received much flattery from our guests. My country and I make a genuine attempt to provide a clean pool, delicious food, nice company, etc. Many of our visitors make remarks such as "I feel so at ease here!" or "I am so comfortable in your country!"

However, I feel that these guests have overstayed their welcome. I do not understand. Why is it that everybody just seems to love our country and never wants to leave?

After four years of this visiting, we are dropping delicate hints that it is late and we want things to end. We make sure we are seen cleaning up after car bombings and mortar fire. Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki has made comments such as "Gee, the hour grows late and I must rebuild Baghdad tomorrow." Muqtada al Sadr has tried shoving their teeth in with the muzzle of a .45 while suggesting that he's not kidding around. Now parliament is demanding a timetable for the withdrawal of U.S. soldiers and a freezing of current troop levels.

Nothing appears to work. Our entreaties are more or less ignored. How can we make our guests leave? My country and I are considering ceasing entertaining wholly!

Best wishes,
Frustrated in Kadhimiyah,

Dear Frustrated in Kadhimiyah,

Slip mickeys into their Alabama Slammers and call for a taxi to take them home.