Like most Americans, we celebrate Memorial Day with a Throwing Championship. But first, lets warm up the coals and pull out the cooler...next, I'll grab the applause meter...we're gonna need it because our Queen of Memorial Day has elected to create a stunning spread of summer salads and side dishes! Draped in a red velvet robe and a shimmering crown, she'll entertain our guests on the guitar while I finish stuffing her old tights with tasty sausage. This year I've stacked the pudding on top of the hedges. Each contestant will throw the sausage-stuffed tights at the pudding. Whoever knocks down the most pudding wins!

Roasted Asparagus

10 lbs. asparagus
20 Tbs. olive oil
5 tsp. sea salt
3 tsp. pepper

Clean asparagus, and take each stalk in your hands. Bend the stalk, and the asparagus will naturally snap at the point where it becomes tough. Discard the tough part. Place the asparagus on a heavy baking pan and toss with the olive oil, salt, and pepper.

Roast in preheated 550 degree oven for 4-7 minutes, or until asparagus is lightly caramelized and tender. Keep an eye on them - don't let them char!

Potato Salad

10 lbs. firm, yellow-fleshed (preferably Carola) potatoes
Sea salt and pepper
30 Tbs. aged red wine vinegar
5 cups olive oil
10 medium-large sweet red onions finely sliced into rings
10 tbs. finely chopped flat-leaf parsley

Boil the potatoes in salted water until just done, about 25 minutes depending on their size.

While the potatoes are cooking, combine the salt, pepper, and vinegar in a large mixing bowl, swirl in the olive oil and add the onions.

As soon as the potatoes are done, drain them and peel them. Holding the potato in a kitchen towel, slit the skin the length of the potato and pull it off between thumb and knife blade. Slice the potatoes and put the slices immediately in the mixing bowl. Move the slices around so they don't stick. Add the parsley and toss carefully, taking care not to break up the potatoes too much.

Tasty Sausage

15 lbs. boned pork butts
8 Tbs. sea salt
5 tsp. ground white pepper
3 Tbs. of rubbed sage
1 ½ tsp. ginger
5 tsp. nutmeg
5 tsp. thyme
4 tsp. cayenne pepper
3 cups ice water

Grind all of the pork butts through a three-sixteenths or one-quarter inch plate. Refrigerate the ground pork until well chilled - ideally 32 to 34 degrees Fahrenheit. When the meat is chilled, thoroughly mix the water and spice mixture with the ground pork. Immediately stuff into a pair of woman's cotton tights. Hang the stuffed sausage in a cool place until dry to the touch, approximately 30 minutes. Refrigerate after drying.

If you do not have women's tights, you can store the sausage in extra-large tube socks.

Refrigerate or freeze as desired until throwing. Remove tossed sausage from it's casing, form into patties and grill immediately.

Black Pudding

2 gals. pigs blood
26 lbs. bread crumbs
4 lbs. suet
Sea salt and pepper, to taste
2 gals. milk
8 cups cooked barley
8 cups dry oatmeal
8 oz. powdered mint

Mix all ingredients together in a large bowl, pour into a gigantic pan and bring to a boil. Pour into a wide shallow bowl and season again if necessary. When cold it may be cut into slices and grilled.