Image: HealthNews-Stat

Prion Pie

The Bush administration is steadfastly and stridently fighting to ensure that less than 1% of US cows be tested for Mad Cow disease.

"We will not cut and run from the battle to prevent extensive and costly testing of food for safety! The effects of a false positive result, on top of a costly and onerous testing regime, would be devastating to the meat industry and the meatconomy. We must remain resolute in the battle against individual meat packing companies voluntarily carrying out this testing, at their own cost, on 100% of the product they sell, and then using 'safety' as an advertising gimmick. We cannot allow the Saftyists this victory! For in their victory, they would perceive our weakness. And they would call us 'girly men'. And that would be embarrassing. And costly. And we can't afford it. So there must only be progress, and the turning of corners. No cutting and running! Victory at all costs in this epic battle that will etch our legacy on the Goblet of History! I AM THE PRESIDENT!! ... Thank you and God bless." President Bush spoke, addressing a group of second graders whose field trip bus had stopped for lunch at the Capital Hill McDonald's.