Dear MSM,

I am sooooooooooo tired of BHO being Mr. Popular Guy! My daddy RBC taught me that being true to yourself means never giving an inch, and that nothing is worth having if someone else gives it up voluntarily. So I know BHO is doing something wrong if people like him so much and give him free stuff.

If people give you something, it can only be because they think you’re a patsy. Sure, not having any friends was difficult growing up, but I persevered because I knew having friends shows you don’t believe in your own dominance. Besides, I had my broom-puppet Ayn and my mechanical-puppy Pacemaker to keep me company. Have you ever heard the expression “a friend in need is a friend indeed?” Well, between injections, my mother LAVC always said that the logical extension of this was that the only reason people want to be your friend is that they want something from you.

Awards are only worth something if they are pried out someone else’s cold, dead hands. Like Saddam’s pistol. Would you rather have something given you for “extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples” or something that damn well demonstrated your superior strength to said international peoples? At SMU they know which one they’d rather have. If this isn’t a no-brainer to you, then, frankly, you’re toast because I live on your planet, and I’m freaking going be Queen of the Freaking Galaxy.

But the joke is on him. I’m going to tell everyone that BHO has friends, and LOTS of them. That will embarrass him and force him to act selfishly to dispel the rumor. Then he’ll be really lonely, and people will think he is really selfish, and I won’t look nearly as creepily spiteful and sanctimoniously self-interested.

Memo to self: Need a tiara that shoots freaking laser beams.

Sincerely,

LC (QFG)