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  Blog Noir. An interplay of cultural references, snark, the occasional smutty joke, Dadaism, Mamaism, and a genuine outrage at the horrors of The Situation.

--to paraphrase Freddy el Desfibradddoro
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Ha! You Thought I Was Still in Khajikistan!

Did you know that "extraordinary rendition" is really just a fancy name for "kidnapping and torture"? How come I didn't know this before my "exile" from this blog by the forces of Montag?

Yes, I have not been sitting around all this time eating Cheetos and sipping Yoo Hoo as was my habit of olde. Far from it! As I was chained in one of the many imaginative "stress positions" my captors were so fond of putting me in, I saw a flash of light and heard heavenly music. Yes, Baby Jesus came to me that day and, frankly, has never left my side since that moment. In fact, I attribute my miraculous release to the power and glory of BJ, as I've come to call him. And he has a message!

For example, as long as Congress is banning medical procedures for 'moral' reasons and the Supreme Court is supporting them, I was thinking there are several other medical procedure which should also be banned:

1.) Injection of whatever it is into people's lips to make them like they are walking around sucking two giant pink grubs

2.) Breast implants which make the recipient look like they've had halves of basketballs glued to their chests. Here's an example of numbers 1 and 2!

3.) Pectoral implants. BJ says, "Yeesh!" and "See #2!".

4.) Also hair plugs. That doll head look is completely against the word of God according to BJ. Take a look for yourself:

We should force the bald and balding people of America to invest that extra money in microsurgical implantation. Looks completely natural!

5.) Chest hair transplants (BJ says, "Ewwww!!")

6.) Operations to make limbs longer. No exceptions for the health of the patient! BJ says if god made you short or lopsided, you better live short or lopsided!

7.) Face lifts. BJ and God want your face to age because when your face is unlined and your neck isn't, it makes Baby Jesus cry!

8.) Major surgery to correct massive traumatic injuries. BJ thinks if you are stupid enough to injure yourself that badly, you deserve to suffer!

9.) Vasectomies and tubal ligations! If God didn't want you to have kids, he would have made you sterile!

10.) BJ says, "Whatever she had done is definitely immoral!!"

So there you have it. Get tortured and have a religious conversion. Then escape to the outside world and proselytize the heck out of it. BJ approves! After all, he told other people what to do all the time!

Some Rights Reserved. Guess which ones!

Missing Fafblog picture of the week

Halcylon days.


"What did your mother and I tell you about watching the commercials?"

"That if they need commercials to sell it, it isn't worth buying."

"That's right kids, they're either selling you a price that's too high, or a need that isn't necessary, or a superiority that is superfluous."

---Montag Alawicious Beeblebrox I



Links to Actual Fafblogs

Sorta Fafblogian Link Types
Anonymous Lawyer
Armageddon Cocktail Hour
Baby Toupees
Bateman, Scott
Billionaires For Bush
Blue Gal
Chalk, Mr.
Chase Me Ladies, I'm in the Calvary!
Chicken Suits
CompareNContrast Wars
Cool Hunter
Crooks and Liars
Culture Ghost, The
Dateline Hollywood
Defeatists, The
Doodle Bean
Guys From Area 51
Happy Sock Fun Time (thepuppethead)
Harris, Bob (includes occasional pudus!)
Improv Everywhere
Jesus' General!
Lark News
Laughing Squid
Le Pétomane
Liberal Fascism
Little Green Fascists
Maximumize Positive Chaos
Mental Floss Magazine
Mouse and Rat Breeds
Noah Kalina Every Day
Onion, The
Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying
Perrin, Dennis
Roger Ailes' Fox-TV Blog
Sadly, No!
Shakespeare, Neil
Obsidian Wings
Stump Lane (Montag)
Swift, Jon
Swift Report, The
Tristam Shandy
Who Is IOZ
Zaius Nation
Ze Frank

Argue With Everyone
Casa de Los Gatos
Fret Free Fridays
Grow a Brain
Hellbound in Denver
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Blogosphere
Matilda's Advice and Rants
Miss Cellania
The Republic of Dogs
Doug Richardson
Trick of the Light
Vidiot Speak

Special "Look Around You" Video Section
Part One: Maths
Part Two: Water
Part Three: Germs
Part Four: Ghosts
Part Five: Sulphur
Part Six: Music
Part Seven: Iron
Part Eight: Brain

Special Other Video Section
Aranjuez Quartet - Classical Guitarists
How to Talk Like a Pirate
Matrix Ping Pong
OK Go!
Soldier Head Twist
The Supersonic Future


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Missing Fafblog! can be like the solitary life of the Sumatran rhinoceros. I Miss Fafblog, Spot!? A saltlick around which to congregate.
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This is a homage blog to the apparently moribund Fafblog. Any copyright violations are pretty much unintentional and are the fault of that dastardly Doodle Bean!

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