The U S and A witnessed a great eruption of democracy recently, as protesters wielding bags of tea gathered together in groups large and small across this great nation, unified by their shared principles... bound together by their shared susceptibility to propaganda... marching along smartly behind a madly piping Joe the Plumber, blowing his drainpipe bassoon of doom. Yes, we all saw it on our televisions and our internets and marveled at our brave new world that has such people in, around, and on it.

However, all this brotherly and sisterly right wing oneness was marred somewhat by the giggling lefty chorus, who sang the haunting refrain from Kermit Muldoon's little known turn of the century Operetta, 'Of Tea, Bags, and Baggers! OH MY!'
Yes, Teabaggers. At first, the loving right wing throngs were confused.... some were heard to say, 'Why yes! We have teabags, which we brandish in order to illustrate the evils of taxation without representation, even though we have representation, but anyway, since we do this because we love our country then by all means... call us Teabaggers. Teabaggers for Freedom.'

Well, it all turned into an unfortunate misunderstanding. A kerfuffle, if you will. The phrase, "He said Teabagger... heh heh heh," was oft heard. A joyous day for America, during which a few Americans had planned to make a whole bunch of spurious and outrageous character based accusations against a bunch of their fellow Americans while the FoxNews cameras whirred and purred and the FoxNews anchors looked on and preened and simped -- well it was ruined, ruined I tell you! In the end, the main image people came away with from the whole shebang was that of a ballsack draped chin. Dark days, friends. These are dark days.

But you know, then I got to thinking.

What if, back in the day, when Rumsfeld and Cheney got together and decided that Enemy-Combatant-Al-Quaida-Type War-On-Terror-Radical-Islamist-Detainees-Who-Hate-Us-For-Our-Freedoms maybe should be waterboarded and then asked some tough questions..... well what if they were thinking of this?

Water. Boards. Waterboarding.

In your mind's ear, you might be hearing Dick Cheney saying something like, "Heck Yes, Rummy! That'll give them a taste of the freedom they so despise! Then they'll be putty in our hands, see? Putty!"

Hmm.

Nah. I'm pretty sure they meant the evil kind, you know, what with them being evil and all. Evil.

Still, If I were Rumsfeld's or Cheney's attorney, this is exactly what I would be doing. I would be creating the, "What? We thought it meant, you know, surfing..." defense.

Dark Days. Dark Days, Indeed.

Cowabunga, America.

According to Best Practices for DOT Random Drug and Alcohol Testing:
What’s the best tool employers have for deterring drug and alcohol use in the workplace?
Random Testing. And, here are just a few of the reasons why:
· Saves lives and prevents injuries.
· Helps employers identify workers with substance abuse issues and facilitate their treatment.
· Allows employees to easily say no to illegal drug use. "No, thanks. They drug test at work.”
· Reduces employer liability.
· It is a fair way of testing.

...

Random testing is required for safety-sensitive employees

Each DOT Agency and the USCG has regulations that require certain employers to
implement a random testing program.
Industry
Regulation
FAA - Aviation
14 CFR Part 121, Appendix I, V, .iVB and
14 CFR Part 121, Appendix J, III, C

FMCSA – Motor Carrier
49 CFR Part 382.305

FRA - Railroad
49 CFR Part 219.601 and 219.607

FTA - Transit
49 CFR Part 655.45

PHMSA - Pipelines
49 CFR Part 199.105

USCG - Maritime
49 CFR Title 46 Part 16.230

...

Who gets tested?
Regardless of job titles like supervisor, volunteer, contractor, owner operators, etc., people are chosen for testing based on their job function (known as a safety-sensitive function) not their occupational title.


You say Legistors - I say toe-may-toe
You say Executive Branch - I say two-maw-toe
You say SCOTUS - I say all three branches of the government have safety-sensitive functions. You may have heard that politicians in an Australian state could be breathalysed before voting. Timid little half-hearted steps like this may be OK for our beer-swilling friends down under, but we can do better than that. I say we test our Senators and Representatives, not just before every vote, but also as they go about their daily business of being massaged by lobbyists and raking in campaign contributions. The people we elect need to be thinking clearly as they compromise themselves, so they can get the best deal possible. The President should always give a UA before giving the State of the Nation. I say that if people can't be trusted to steer a train without drug and alcohol testing, it is even more important to have drug and alcohol screening for those steering the country. Otherwise the whole country could end up in a train wreck!

(T) (F) On 25 July 1554, Mary Tudor married Prince Felipe of Spain in Winchester Cathedral, bringing about a powerful political alliance between the two countries.

(T) (F) Virginia is to Texas as England is to Spain





Jenna Bush weds Virginia politician's son
Sat May 10, 2008

BBC.com

[Jan 13, 2008] US President George W Bush has warned of the dangers he says are posed by Iran, in a speech in its Gulf neighbour, the United Arab Emirates. . .Mr Bush said Iran threatened the security of all nations and should be confronted "before it's too late".

Because, of course, Iran attacked us on 9/11! Oh, wait, that was Iran, wasn't it?

Salon.Com

The Emirates' ruling families formerly maintained close relationships with the Taliban and Osama bin Laden, whose hunting camps in Afghanistan they frequented; two of the 20 hijackers in the 9/11 plot were UAE nationals who used safe houses and banks in Dubai; and the A.Q. Khan nuclear smuggling network also used facilities there to mask its operations.

Well, the President is aware of those connections and chose to downplay them. He is aware that the UAE is not yet a fully open and democratic society. But they are making progress and so he wants to encourage them!

Bush's UAE speech:

Beginning with the revered father of this country -- Sheikh Zayed -- you have succeeded in building a prosperous society out of the desert. . . You have encouraged women to contribute to the development of your nation -- and they have occupied some of your highest ministerial posts.

See?

Commondreams.org:

“Dubai. . . is the "Bangkok of the Middle East," populated with thousands of Russian, Armenian, Indian, and Iranian prostitutes controlled by various transnational gangs and mafias.”

There! They are certainly contributing to the development of the nation!

Wikipedia:

UAE does not have democratically elected institutions (citizens do not have the right to change their government) or political parties; free assembly and association are restricted; and the rights of workers are limited.

Oh, dear. Perhaps, in their culture, it is polite for guests to act like they are ignoramuses. Yeah, that’s the ticket. He's just being culturally sensitive.

Bush's UAE speech:

And finally, [Iran] defies the United Nations and destabilizes the region by refusing to be open and transparent about its nuclear programs and ambitions. Iran's actions threaten the security of nations everywhere. So the United States is strengthening our longstanding security commitments with our friends in the Gulf -- and rallying friends around the world to confront this danger before it is too late.

Well, sensitive to some cultures, and belligerent to others. At least you can’t say Mr. Bush is not being transparent about his ambitions, can you? The president is sincere about building a consensus! This time! He certainly wouldn't approve of the false-flag type operation that rogue elements in the Navy tried when they falsely claimed Iranian boats were verbally threatening US ships. He wouldn't start a war under false pretenses! This time!

BBC.com

Earlier on Sunday, during a visit to Bahrain, President Bush met some of the sailors whose ships the US says were confronted by Iranian speedboats last weekend.

Oops. Well, it must simply be a bad reaction to all that hummus.

thepuppethead was in a celebratory mood, so at the wee crack of dawn this morning he (and Spot) decided to schlep down to Smith's Fine Wines & Spirits in search of happiness and a bottle of scotch. But when we got there the store hadn't opened for business yet, so instead of standing out front (which would be a grievous mistake if mrs. thepuppethead happened to drive by on her way to work), we slipped around back to wait and, possibly, search for treasure. You never know what you might find behind a liquor store. No really, you seriously never know.

In any case, instead of treasure, thepuppethead (and Spot) only found Big Bob Binion, CPA, and Smitty the Bindlestiff, who were apparently also waiting to buy booze. Here is a brief re-enactment of this encounter.

Big Bob Binion: "Howdy PH."

Me: "Hey BB."

Smitty: "Hi P-Head."

Spot: Growls at Smitty.

Me: "Don't call me pee head, buster... or we are going to scrap!"

Big Bob Binion: "Don't mind him PH."

Me: Squints at Smitty.

Smitty: "I like sausage."

Spot: Gets distracted by a pile of leaves and wanders off.

Me: "What did you fellas think about Barack whooping up on Hillary in Iowa?"

Big Bob Binion: "I was surprised. I thought Hillary had it sewn up. Guess Barack had her number."

Smitty: "B-AFLAC!!!" (Sounding just like the AFLAC duck)

Me: "B-ARACK. Barack OBAMA, you poltroon."

Smitty: "Mutual of O-BAMA'S WILD Kingdom!"

Big Bob Binion: "I bet that Hillary was pretty steamed."

Me: "Probably. And that Huckabee! He cleaned Romney's clock!"

Smitty: "Huck-L-bee-RY HOUND!"

Me: "Shut up, Smitty. Do you want a poke in the nose?"

Big Bob Binion: "Don't pay him no mind, PH."

Me: "So who do you like, BB?"

Big Bob Binion: 'I'm for Fred. The rest of them is all Liberal, or crazy."

Smitty: "... reminds me. What's the difference between Hillary and ol' Joe Lieberman?"

Me: "A conscience?"

Smitty: "A uterus!"

Me: "Dangit Smitty! That's not funny!"

Big Bob Binion's cell phone rings, and he walks around the corner to answer it.

Smitty (sotto voce): "Psst. Hey PH."

Me: "Hm?"

Smitty: "That Obama is the real deal. Haven't seen anyone like him since Bobby Kennedy. I remember listening to Bobby on Armed Forces Radio when I was in Vietnam (courtesy of LBJ, may he rot in hell) and thinking to myself -- This guy is going to shake stuff up. But then the bastards shot him, and the country kept on sliding down the greasy path of least resistance towards oblivion. But that Obama -- guy like that doesn't come around very often. He could shake it up. Really could."

Me: "Damn, Smitty! Where'd that come from?"

Smitty: "Crap PH, you know how Big Bob Binion is... I have to act the fool around him. If he knew I was smarter than he is it'd break his poor heart, and he's my best friend - couldn't do that to him. Plus, he's my best customer."

Me: "...."

Me: (Looking at the store's sign) "Smitty.... Smith's... holy crap Smitty, you own this store?"

Smitty: "Sure. But don't tell Big Bob Binion, PH. If he knew that I make more money than he does he'd be mortified, and probably die of a heart attack or something. Poor fella."

Me: "Mum's the word, Smitty. Mum's the word."

Smitty: "Mark my words, PH. That Obama is the guy to watch."

Me: "Well, I'll be watching."

Big Bob Binion walks back around the corner.

Big Bob Binion: "She's open!"

Me: "Talisker here I come!"

Smitty: "I smell hair."


The End